[he's stunned for a moment, arms still hanging at his sides while jiang cheng's wrap around him. he can feel the strength in them, the tightness of his hug, and it's only a moment before wei wuxian is returning it. he's holding him just as tightly and with a pounding heart.]
Jiang Cheng, is something wrong? Has something happened?
[And he's just going to keep hugging him even as he spoke]
I saw it again. The night that you and Yanli died. I understand it now.
[It was like a weird thing, like reading a dramatic story the second time after you knew the plot twist at the end. He knew who was manipulating things to happen, but not completely how]
[so something had happened, even it was technically something that happened long ago. it was still something terrible enough to leave an everlasting mark. wei wuxian exhales, but doesn't let him go.]
If I could, I would wipe that memory from your mind so you'd never risk seeing it again.
[he doesnt want jiang cheng to suffer it again. he would even keep the blame.]
[it's funny, in a very not 'ha ha' sort of way. as bad as wei wuxian's memory can be in places, he also can't forget that day. he can't forget the looks on the faces of the people he loves most - jiang cheng, lan zhan, shijie, the anger and the anguish. he can't forget the color red staining white, and he knows for a fact that he dreams in color because of it.
wei wuxian squeezes his eyes shut, and squeezes him tighter.]
I should've listened more. To Lan Zhan and to you.
[wei wuxian died that day, but it's his husband and his brother who suffered for years afterward.]
I think we all should have listened more. Listened to each other.
[He had taken too much at face value. He should have realized that his shixiong wasn't well with using the dark arts, the fact that he hadn't even been able to take a push from Jiang Cheng, the fact that he basically refused to touch his sword when he had always carried it. Hindsight told him these were all worrying signs and he shouldn't have written them off.
Maybe if he'd still had the protection of Yunmeng Jiang, if Jiang Cheng could have been human (and better than Jin Guangshan) and cast his influence to at least protect the remaining Wens who he had seen for himself were not a threat, maybe Jin Guangyao couldn't have easily used WuXian as a scape goat for Jin Zixuan's death. But he had been a young sect leader with many older and more experienced sect leaders breathing down his neck, that's why. Now, he wouldn't give a care what they said.
Quietly, as though he couldn't bare to have even a nearby insect hear him]
[everything fell in place too perfectly for the tragedy of that day. they were all so young, with secrets and broken promises between them, each of them carrying a weight that was too much.]
We can. From now on.
[that life is over and can't be changed. he's tried not to mourn it too much, but a tear slides down his cheek anyway. they can listen to each other, and he can be there to help jiang cheng if he needs it, because he knows his brother will be there for him too.]
I'm sorry too. I never meant to cause you so much pain.
[He pressed his face against WuXian's shoulder a moment, trying to steady himself as he was crying softly. Seeing that again, that had really hit home.
But here... they could be a family here even things weren't quite the same.
Finally he steadied himself and moved back just enough that his face wasn't buried in WuXian's shoulder]
I know you didn't. Now.
[Back then and until not so long ago, he had thought WuXian had only been being difficult because he could]
[how could jiang cheng have been expected to know it back then, when wei wuxian must have looked careless and wicked. a different man from the one he'd grown up. and in some ways, wei wuxian had changed. but he held fast to his secrets instead of talking to his brother about why he had.
there's a smile on wei wuxian's lips when he pulls back. he brushes at some of jiang cheng's tears with the back of his hand.]
I'm happy for this second chance. Let's not waste it, okay?
[He looked back at WuXian as he wiped away his tears. How many times had they done that when they were younger? Looked after each other? It seemed rather strange now that they were adults.
Still...]
No, let's not waste it.
[A beat of silence]
I did... actually miss you during those years you were gone.
[And not because he'd wanted to beat him, but there had been times when he'd genuinely wished WuXian had been there]
[wei wuxian will probably never be enough of an adult to not need some sort of looking after.
he smiles at that admission, even though it makes his heart squeeze in his chest.]
I'd hoped that you'd forgotten all about me. Instead I wished for you to be a great Sect Leader like I always knew you would be. Maybe finally find a girl who met enough of your dumb requirements. [he smirks and pats him on the shoulder. that didn't happen in their world, but...] How is she?
[Forgetting about him was not an option, even if it was for completely pointless and self-destructive reasons... as well as the occasional nostalgic thoughts creeping in]
Dumb requirements? They weren't dumb requirements. [Insanely unrealistic? Maybe] You mean Nami?
[not dumb? wei wuxian rolls his eyes hard enough that he can almost see the back of his own skull. he hardly needs to voice his opinion after such an expression, and especially not when he's made it known before.
but maybe there's something better to talk about. he slides an arm around jiang cheng's shoulder.]
Yeah. Have you made any progress in making her my sister-in-law?
[It wasn't dumb! They made sense to him. He just stared at WuXian as he rolled his eyes that hard. But it wasn't new information that WuXian thought they were stupid. There had been that whole thing at the Cloud Recesses where he had told HuaiSang and HuaiSang had to try to keep the two of them apart]
We are still seeing each other.
[That didn't really answer his question... but also told him that he hadn't scared her off]
[A faint smile crossed his face. She really did like him. It surprised him... at least a little bit. He'd never had a relationship that lasted this long. Especially one where it started over threatening a crooked game vendor together]
[wei wuxian blinks at him like he should know this. but he's always pretended to have more experience in these matters than he actually has. his own courtship was easy compared to most.]
Jiang Cheng, have you considered...maybe getting your own place and asking her to move in?
[Yes of course he knows this from all of his day-long relationships with women and his failed attempt to court Wen Qing. But even so, he looked at WuXian skeptically]
We have not even known each other that long. Don't you think it is too soon to be moving in?
If she was a girl from our world, I'd say yes. But Nami seems...independent. Adventurous!
[a good match for the sect leader of yunmeng jiang. she's sure to bring out even more of that in jiang cheng, especially the fun side. wei wuxian smiles to think of it.]
Ah, do you know where she lives now? Does she live alone?
[she did say that no one from her world was here with her, last he spoke to her.]
She is definitely not like the women from our world. Not what I was expecting.
[Which... was actually probably good for him. He had thought he had known what he wanted, what with his list of requirements, but even so he had leaned towards someone who did not meet all of his requirements with Wen Qing and now even less so with Nami. Maybe he really didn't know what he wanted]
I do know where she lives and as far as I know she lives alone except for Tangerine.
[Teleporting kitten is not really a roommate, but why not]
[it would be hard for him to know what he was never given enough of, especially as he grew older: affection, faith. these are the things that wei wuxian wants for his brother, the things that he knows he deserves.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Jiang Cheng, is something wrong? Has something happened?
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I saw it again. The night that you and Yanli died. I understand it now.
[It was like a weird thing, like reading a dramatic story the second time after you knew the plot twist at the end. He knew who was manipulating things to happen, but not completely how]
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If I could, I would wipe that memory from your mind so you'd never risk seeing it again.
[he doesnt want jiang cheng to suffer it again. he would even keep the blame.]
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No. I needed to see it at least once more. I know now why everything happened. I know how we ended up there.
[Not just at that place in particular, but the event that lead to it, WuXian giving him his golden core so that he could keep being the sect leader]
I know now why you said you couldn't control them. It shouldnt have been like that.
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wei wuxian squeezes his eyes shut, and squeezes him tighter.]
I should've listened more. To Lan Zhan and to you.
[wei wuxian died that day, but it's his husband and his brother who suffered for years afterward.]
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[He had taken too much at face value. He should have realized that his shixiong wasn't well with using the dark arts, the fact that he hadn't even been able to take a push from Jiang Cheng, the fact that he basically refused to touch his sword when he had always carried it. Hindsight told him these were all worrying signs and he shouldn't have written them off.
Maybe if he'd still had the protection of Yunmeng Jiang, if Jiang Cheng could have been human (and better than Jin Guangshan) and cast his influence to at least protect the remaining Wens who he had seen for himself were not a threat, maybe Jin Guangyao couldn't have easily used WuXian as a scape goat for Jin Zixuan's death. But he had been a young sect leader with many older and more experienced sect leaders breathing down his neck, that's why. Now, he wouldn't give a care what they said.
Quietly, as though he couldn't bare to have even a nearby insect hear him]
I'm sorry.
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We can. From now on.
[that life is over and can't be changed. he's tried not to mourn it too much, but a tear slides down his cheek anyway. they can listen to each other, and he can be there to help jiang cheng if he needs it, because he knows his brother will be there for him too.]
I'm sorry too. I never meant to cause you so much pain.
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But here... they could be a family here even things weren't quite the same.
Finally he steadied himself and moved back just enough that his face wasn't buried in WuXian's shoulder]
I know you didn't. Now.
[Back then and until not so long ago, he had thought WuXian had only been being difficult because he could]
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[how could jiang cheng have been expected to know it back then, when wei wuxian must have looked careless and wicked. a different man from the one he'd grown up. and in some ways, wei wuxian had changed. but he held fast to his secrets instead of talking to his brother about why he had.
there's a smile on wei wuxian's lips when he pulls back. he brushes at some of jiang cheng's tears with the back of his hand.]
I'm happy for this second chance. Let's not waste it, okay?
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Still...]
No, let's not waste it.
[A beat of silence]
I did... actually miss you during those years you were gone.
[And not because he'd wanted to beat him, but there had been times when he'd genuinely wished WuXian had been there]
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he smiles at that admission, even though it makes his heart squeeze in his chest.]
I'd hoped that you'd forgotten all about me. Instead I wished for you to be a great Sect Leader like I always knew you would be. Maybe finally find a girl who met enough of your dumb requirements. [he smirks and pats him on the shoulder. that didn't happen in their world, but...] How is she?
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[Forgetting about him was not an option, even if it was for completely pointless and self-destructive reasons... as well as the occasional nostalgic thoughts creeping in]
Dumb requirements? They weren't dumb requirements. [Insanely unrealistic? Maybe] You mean Nami?
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but maybe there's something better to talk about. he slides an arm around jiang cheng's shoulder.]
Yeah. Have you made any progress in making her my sister-in-law?
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We are still seeing each other.
[That didn't really answer his question... but also told him that he hadn't scared her off]
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[he smacks him on the shoulder, and in his happiness actually hops up into the air a small distance.]
That's wonderful! Do you know what that means?
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[A half-hearted protest for WuXian smacking him on the shoulder]
No. What does it mean?
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[which is pointing out the obvious, but look how long it took him to realize lan wangji's feelings.]
We should figure out what to do next.
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[A faint smile crossed his face. She really did like him. It surprised him... at least a little bit. He'd never had a relationship that lasted this long. Especially one where it started over threatening a crooked game vendor together]
Next? What do you mean next?
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[wei wuxian blinks at him like he should know this. but he's always pretended to have more experience in these matters than he actually has. his own courtship was easy compared to most.]
Jiang Cheng, have you considered...maybe getting your own place and asking her to move in?
[WHAT ARE BRAKES, FULL STEAM AHEAD!!]
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We have not even known each other that long. Don't you think it is too soon to be moving in?
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[a good match for the sect leader of yunmeng jiang. she's sure to bring out even more of that in jiang cheng, especially the fun side. wei wuxian smiles to think of it.]
Ah, do you know where she lives now? Does she live alone?
[she did say that no one from her world was here with her, last he spoke to her.]
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[Which... was actually probably good for him. He had thought he had known what he wanted, what with his list of requirements, but even so he had leaned towards someone who did not meet all of his requirements with Wen Qing and now even less so with Nami. Maybe he really didn't know what he wanted]
I do know where she lives and as far as I know she lives alone except for Tangerine.
[Teleporting kitten is not really a roommate, but why not]
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his mouth opens to comment, but then:]
Tangerine?
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[So no roommate, and Jiang Cheng had a cat]
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[this face, jiang cheng.]
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