weiward | (no subject)

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[wei wuxian's memory can't be trusted. that's why everyone always laughed when he told them the story - more frequently during his childhood, less and less during his teenage years. until finally, just after his twentieth year, he actually did start to forget. but every now and then, a fragment of a dream brings it all back again.

he was six years old, newly arrived to lotus pier and not the swimmer that the other boys were. but attempt the impossible - wei ying embraced the motto of his new home and his new family wholeheartedly. he ran carelessly along the docks, jumping as far out into the water as he could.

too far. a reckless little boy didn't have to know the meaning of those words to suffer the consequences. the water was deep, and the current strong. drowning felt a lot like falling, with something dark and cold waiting for him at the bottom.

and then he was rising again, and he felt warm sun on his face and fresh air that wouldn't fit in his desperate lungs. wei wuxian remembers opening his eyes for one last look at the world, but instead saw the face of another young boy, too pretty to be human. and he'd pressed his lips against his, and suddenly he could breathe again-]

And that was my first kiss. [he sighs and lifts the jar of alcohol to his lips. beside him, jiang cheng rolls his eyes and stands up.] Ey, where are you going? I thought we were going for a late swim!

"Forget it. I can't listen to you tell that ridiculous story one more time. I thought you'd finally forgotten it! Try remembering to pick up your dirty clothes instead! Or showing up sober for archery training!"

[wei wuxian smirks at his brother's scolding tone and retreating back. he's about to follow him back inside, except-

well, he's already here. and it's still hot. so he finishes off the jar and stands up, stripping off his robes as he stares at the dark surface of the water.]

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I know.

( lips slightly upturned, he doesn’t quite smile, an apology of sorts, still flustered. until he touches him. lan wangji instantly recoils, instincts kicking in as he bares his teeth, though it’s short-lived; it’s him, and he blinks wide-eyed, head bowed in a mix of shame and mild distress. he is warm, as warm as he imagined he would be, a phantom caress where his scars stipple his back in various shades of red, softer than the water lapping his skin.

he shakes his head. no. fish did, ordered by his uncle, and lan wangji’s eyes linger on the surface, his mouth slowly forming the shape of the first syllable. ) When I caught you… they caught me. ( punishment, and his gaze drifts up, candid, prudent, no regrets. )

[he draws his hand back when he hisses at him, but retreats no further than that. he's not afraid, but wei wuxian pushes the boundaries of his own kind. he tells himself to be more careful with him, to learn and resist his almost natural urges to overstep them. he doesn't want to drive him back into the sea.

so he's sorry, for the touch, but even more for what he tells him after.]

This, because you saved me?

[his mouth falls open and there's horror in his eyes. for once, wei wuxian doesn't know what to say. there's really only two things that he can say, the only things he can think of. important words that still aren't enough.]

I'm sorry. And thank you.

[he smiles at him, offering him his hand this time.]

Do you have a name?

( a high price to pay, maybe, but lan wangji would do it all over again. he lived, they both did, the pain only a faint memory now, and his conscience is clear. he nods, stifling a wince when the other apologizes, as if he should be blamed somehow. the ocean’s rules aren’t his own, and lan wangji shakes his head in humble protest, until he catches his hand extended from the corner of his eyes.

he stills. stares. is he… asking permission to touch him again? lan wangji’s brows rise in mild confusion, gaze swivelling back and forth between the other’s hand and his eyes. his fingers twitch at his side. he moves, water gently rippling, fingertips across the other’s skin. his breath catches somewhere in the back of his throat and he frowns harder, the softness of his expression clashing with the crease between his brows. lips part, and his palm settles against his, claws instead of nails, the barely-there contact a warm flutter in his chest, spreading to the back of his neck.

his name. what’s his name. his jaw tightens and he stops gaping like a stranded fish, blinking to chase his daze away. ) Lan Wangji. ( he sounds unsure, almost, and just as he starts retreating, he softly amends: ) Lan Zhan.

[they're so different, and not because of the claws and the pointed ears. wei wuxian normally just grabs people up, reaches for a shoulder or a wrist with barely a second thought. meanwhile, his new friend puts so much thought into every little contact, checks and rechecks like he thinks he might lower his hand from one moment to the next. he gives him an encouraging smile when their eyes meet, until finally their palms are pressed together.

his skin is cooler to the touch. it feels nice on a too-warm day underneath the sun.]

Lan Zhan. [he repeats it in a whisper before he notices his retreat, and slots his fingers between the merman's.] What's wrong? Do you have to go?

( yes. no. and maybe this fire is too strong for the ocean to douse after all, a storm lan wangji doesn’t know how to withstand. it’s what the boy is, a force of nature, and it’s there in his eyes, in his smile, subdued in his touch, another side of him. he wants to know them all, experience them firsthand, tired of watching from afar, but this is dangerous. beyond the scars on his back, it’s the boy’s life he fears for, unsafe against his people, should they deem him a threat.

attention divided, it lingers on their joined hands, an aborted shake of his head. ) I should not be seen with you. ( his life ends where the shore begins, and it’s odd, how he doesn’t belong there, with him, when his heart seems to beat where his fingers curl around his.

he sighs a long, quiet breath, a blissful thrill down his spine as he hears his name. again, he wants to ask, a hint of bashfulness in his eyes as he forces them on him, meaningful. ) Wei Wuxian. ( his name, he thinks, revealing his hidden presence in the past years, close enough at times to hear and listen, and sleep at night with the memory of the boy’s voice in his dreams. )

Then we'll go somewhere else.

[he only says that he shouldn't be seen with him, not that he doesn't want to be with him. maybe he should let him go, because the worst wei wuxian imagines if they're caught is fresh wounds on top of the other's scars, his back flayed open again for the transgression of being near him. the thought of it hurts, but so does the thought of never seeing him again. in the end, he just can't uncurl his fingers.]

There must be someplace for us.

[a hint of desperation in his voice. sadness too, when he realizes that they're literally from different words. but lan zhan can breathe his air, and wei wuxian can swim in his water, and there's too much of them that does align perfectly for him to abandon all hope.

he blinks when lan wangji says his name, and he understands. how many times has he watched him dive from the pier, or listened to his drunken singing? how many times has wei wuxian longed to see him when he was literally within reach.]

Wei Ying. [he corrects him gently, a smile returning to his lips.] Those closest to me call me Wei Ying. You saved my life, Lan Zhan. There's no one closer.

( for us. a desperate wish, intimate, like a world for them alone might exist. he’s heard of merfolk forsaking the ocean before, shunned in turn, never to be allowed back. earth is often a destination of no return, where rogues inevitably meet their demise, a realm of filth, reflecting their nature. but lan wangji looks at him and only sees beauty, in all its intricate forms, a realm of life. )

Wei Ying. ( softly, tentatively, and his name rolls off the tongue and he mouths it again a few times, a privilege, treasured. first a spark, and then his eyes dim a little; there is nowhere, nowhere lan wangji could safely reach without water, only the ocean’s depths, if wei wuxian could…

...breathe…

his gaze lights up, unadulterated in his eyes, aglow, while his overall expression remains more or less stoic. an idea blooms in the confines of his mind, forbidden, both eager and hesitant on his lips. ) If you wish to know my home… I can help you breathe. ( the same way he did so long ago, a temporary solution for stolen time, where he knows how and where to swim undetected. )

[the trust that he asks of him, for wei wuxian to follow him to a place where he'd have to rely on him for the very air that he breathes. he should be more hesitant, he should think of the risks, but instead the human smiles, the glow of it less literal but just as real.]

Lan Zhan, take me there!

[he's ready to go, right now, without protection or preparation. no one will miss him anyway, they'll just assume that he wandered off to a tavern for the night.]

I want to see everything!

( oh, his enthusiasm is a deadly thing, a willingness that doesn’t fall on deaf ears. lan wangji’s lips stretch coy, pleased, subtle lines bending the angles of his face to mirror the hushed frenzy pulsing in his veins. ) As long as you can weather the pressure. ( he concedes, and whether he speaks of the water, its dark immensity, or what he’s about to do next, he doesn’t tell.

there’s a new glint in his eyes, a swirl of his tail to bring him a mere inch away. wei wuxian is all smiles and excitement, and lan wangji’s gaze falls to his mouth, coaxing his own to open. his name was on his tongue just a few minutes ago, and now he feels his breath, his warmth, his skin, tasting the shape of the same plush lips that gave lan zhan a new meaning. his heart splutters. it’s the same fluttery sensation he once felt as a boy, laced with the deeper awareness of a man, and lan wangji’s mouth remains glued to his as he sinks and drags wei wuxian below the surface, tail curling around his lower body. it’s his literal life force he shares with him, lending him the ability to breathe and see, hear him in the back of his skull. it’s a temporary rêverie, but even at the greatest cost, he knows he could spend the rest of his life kissing him.

he slightly withdraws, giving him a few moments to adjust as they slowly drift with the current, his tail a luminescent blue, his eyes much brighter. his arms are loose around wei wuxian’s waist, only there to stabilize him, should he need an anchor. when he speaks, his mouth doesn’t move. ) Until the sun sets, my home is yours.

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