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( oh, but he’ll gladly allow being made fun of, if only to hear his laugh again. the hand in his hair strokes its way closer to his face, tenderly smoothing one thumb across his cheek before he finally concedes a truth that took months to fully sink in. )

Perhaps a thousand. ( the innuendo isn’t lost on him, creeping up warmer across his own face as he sighs on a flood of lost memories, wistful, but better than the torments he just suffered. hard is a terrible understatement. excruciating seems vaguely accurate, and he remembers just how conflicted he was back then, wei wuxian’s nature resonating dangerously well with the boundaries of his heart he had never dared to explore. ) I thought myself weak and it angered me. ( it took him a while, to acknowledge that he wasn’t mad at wei wuxian. not entirely, anyway, and lan wangji’s gaze on him grows impossibly fond, lashes fluttering lazy as renewed heat blazes through him. ) But I came to realize that you have only ever given me strength.

[he's not sure how long it will take him to get used to lan wangji being this sincere with him, so accommodating. it's more effective than a scolding ever could be, softening both wei wuxian's heart and his touch. he's still in awe that hanguang-jun, a man of impeccable reputation, would even bother with him.]

Lan Zhan, you're the strongest man I've ever known.

[it's one thing to be the yiling patriarch. it's quite another to be willing defend him, willing to love him. to choose to follow him into the literal fire. but when lan wangji goes on to say that he is a part of that strength, wei wuxian's breath catches. he touches pauses. and he quickly blinks away fresh tears.]

Did I give you strength there too? [where he was taken. he swallows hard and shifts, a reminder that he's warm and real against him. a reminder for both of them.] Lan Zhan, what happened?

( strength is relative, but without him, he wouldn’t have had enough to challenge everything he’s ever been taught, to unearth his own convictions buried underneath. wei wuxian changed his life, his heart, and it followed him here, through death and beyond, determined now to keep his conscience clear once and for all. mourning him had already taken its toll on him, but his latest trip to lucifer island only further convinced him that no more time could be lost.

which is exactly why he’s here now, wrapped around the only man he’ll ever love. the question is loaded, and he shifts closer, a deep sigh as he blinks a few times and purses his mouth pensive. it wasn’t real. however tangible everything felt, wei wuxian is once again warm in his arms, and lan wangji breathes a little shaky, ignoring the palpable growth in his chest. ) You died. ( a beat, and he momentarily closes his eyes, a twitch in his jaw. ) Every hour, differently. In my arms. Places I could not reach. By your own hand… at mine. ( and how deep must they have dug, to read his guilt so easily. his eyes open then, a sharp exhale as he forces himself to gaze into his. ) My journey to Yiling was intentional. If we could turn back time… ( his lips curl lopsided as his nostrils flare, a wistful frown. ) … I would stay there with you.

[his lips curve downward, eyes soft and sad at the pain in his voice, in his very breath. he doesn't look away as lan wangji speaks. the agony that he went through, the terror - lan wangji's burial mounds. to come back from that with a mind that's not totally wrecked speaks again of his strength. even if wei wuxian's hand sliding along his back is a reminder that it wasn't real, he still could do nothing for him during all those terrible days. nothing but miss him.]

Things happened as they should have.

[he whispers, a faint smile returning to his lips as they speak of the past. there's no point in looking backward. if lan wangji had been there, maybe he would have died with him, and then there would have been no one for him to return to. no one to take care of sizhui. ]

And this might not have been as comfortable on a cave floor.

[wei wuxian laughs a little at that, pretty sure that neither of them would've actually cared about that.]

( have they. he can’t entirely agree, when he knows he could and should have done more. when he knows exactly where he belongs now, and he likes to think he would have defended him, them, and maybe found another home, farther away. but he doesn’t argue. wei wuxian’s stance on this particular subject has always been clear, and though it never fails to sharpen the ache between his ribs, all he can do is make amends, and forever stand by him.

which, all in all, really shouldn’t be that difficult, considering how effortlessly they both found each other’s arms.

his gaze brightens just so at the sound of wei wuxian’s laughter, always a balm on his wounds. one good thing did come out of his fate, however much he would have rather it happened differently. and his name speaks volume of lan wangji’s heartsickness. ) Have you acquainted yourself with Sizhui?

[wei wuxian nods, a fond smile crossing his lips at the boy's name, even if it isn't the name he knew him by.]

Who would've guessed that such a mischievous boy would grow into such a well-behaved junior. [and he knows that he has lan wangji to thank for that, just as he has him to think for sizhui's life in general. he props himself up a little to look down into lan zhan's face.] I hope you didn't spoil him too much. Children don't always need things just because they want them. And you were always weak for him, Lan Zhan. I do remember that much.

[but...whatever he did or didn't do, he obviously did a good job. wei wuxian resettles, wiggling against him.]

He'll be good company for Jin Ling. And probably a good influence too.

The same who could never have imagined Hanguang-jun falling for Yiling Lǎozǔ.

( including wei wuxian, probably, and yet. sizhui was always good, and in more ways than one, he reminds of wei wuxian, a mischievous nature void of malice, his heart on his sleeve. the same fondness shines in his eyes, veiled by a faint shadow of regret. ) Most of our time spent together, I can’t recall. ( so he doesn’t know whether he spoiled him, but with the vague hint of bashful guilt in the way his gaze drops, he can easily guess that he probably did.

but then another name distracts him. ) Jin Ling? ( eyebrows pinched, he looks right back up. ) Here? Grown? ( why would the boy of lady jiang of all people require a good influence. unless………..??? )

Edited 2020-09-07 18:57 (UTC)

Well, he obviously loves you.

[another thing that he shares in common with wei wuxian, and the only thing that matters. he can tell by the way the boy speaks of it, always respectful but from a place of fondness rather than fear.

wei wuxian blinks at the reaction to his nephew's name, eyebrows rising as he nods his head.]

About the same age as Sizhui. I gathered that they came here together the same way that we did.

[and he's about to get comfortable again, eyes closing and a smile on his lips.

until his eyes open right back up again. something about that is suddenly a little unsettling to him too.]

( lan wangji inwardly beams at that, regardless of the gap in their respective timelines. sizhui is much older than he should be, though lan wangji looks at him and sees a-yuan still, the boy he was so desperate to keep alive. so much of what wei wuxian worked so hard for died with him, but sizhui thrived, and grew into a man lan wangji is surprisingly proud of, however little he knows of their lives intertwined.

it’s the expression slowly taking shape on wei wuxian’s face that worries him, a sudden realization, and he intently searches those beautiful eyes of his. ) Wei Ying. ( together, he says. is jin ling well-behaved?? ) What is it?

Ah, it's nothing. Nothing.

[his akward little laugh suggests that it's something. he doesn't want to lie to lan wangji, especially not after what their words and actions have set into motion. even a lie by omission, information withheld, sits uncomfortably within him.

he's already warned jin ling that discussions will need to be had with hanguang-jun if things progress any further. but as his uncle, does some of the responsibility fall on his shoulders too?]

It's just...Jin Ling has confessed to harboring...certain feelings. Possibly. But Lan Zhan, they're both so young, and being here is enough to confuse anyone! I'm sure it's just that Sizhui presence is a comfort, that's all.

( lying should be second nature for the infamous yiling patriarch. it isn’t. minus the occasional white lie, wei wuxian has always been relatively terrible at hiding the truth, but this truth holds the same dissonant notes of a broken string. )

Wei Ying. ( young? confused? lan wangji stiffens, eyes flashing with a hint of incredulity that knots his stomach and purses his lips a little uneasy. he does trust wei wuxian’s heart with his life, but... ) I am not confused. ( are they not just as young? in hell, a place where warmth, of all things, has only been found in each other’s arms? trying to reassure himself has only worried him, and lan wangji frowns a little disgruntled, a question on his tongue. is wei wuxian confused? instead he asks; ) Jin Rulan... Was he raised a decent gentleman?

[when you're the yiling patriarch, nothing confuses people more than telling them the truth, which they'll alter anyway to suit their own narrative. but lan wangji doesn't sound confused, a fact confirmed a moment later which buys no time for either him or his nephew.]

Ah, Jin Ling is-

[much like sizhui, wei wuxian is still getting to know the boy. so what can he really say about him at this point? he's got strong lungs?]

I'm sure Jiang Cheng did his best! But...he lost both of his parents. Lan Zhan, you know that. Still, he is Shijie's son! If he has even an ounce of her goodness in him, I'm sure we have nothing to worry about.

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